Dad buys a LIE DETECTOR ROBOT which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.”Son, where were you today?”
The son says “at school dad.” Robot slaps the son! “OK, I watched a DVD at my friends house!”
“What DVD?” “Toy story.” Robot slaps the son again! “OK, it was a porn movie”
Dad yells “What! When I was your age I didn’t know what porno was!” Robot then slaps the dad!
Mom laughs “HAHAHA! He’s certainly YOUR son.” Robot then slaps the mom….
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.'
Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference.
He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away.
As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her
right hand are burned. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"'What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."
officer pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the driver. "Ma'am,
is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and suddenly saw there was a tree right in front of me! I swerved to the left and wouldn't you know it, there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was still another one, again right in front of me!"
Not smelling any telltale signs on her breath, the officer put another aspect of his training to work.
He reached past her blonde head to her rear-view mirror and pulled off the item hanging from it. "Ma'am," he says patiently, "that was your air freshener."
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