Short Funny Jokes

A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other. The groom's best friend takes him aside and asks what's wrong.

"Well," replies the man, "when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," says his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years."

"That's not the problem, " the groom says. "She gave me $20 change!"

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man, you’ll never hit her from here!”.

A young Redhead goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible”, says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?”

“No, ” she says, ” I’m actually a Blonde.”

“I thought so, the doctor says. “Your finger is broken.”

There’s a young fellow walking along a beach and see's something shiny in the sand. In the sand was a lamp. He picks it up and POOF!! Out comes a Genie. The Genie thanks him for releasing him from the bottle and offers the man one wish. The man asks why not 3 like all other Genie's. The Genie replies that due to the length of time in the bottle his powers were failing so one more wish could be all he has left.

The Genie tells him not to bother with stuff like a million dollars because that’s impossible, and stuff like all the gold in the world, because it’s also impossible. He says make a wish for something constructive.

The man thinks long and hard and finally comes up with the perfect wish. Genie I wish for a bridge to span from here where I live in the U.K. over the ocean to America. You see my family all live in America, and I have a fear of flying and a fear of boats. The Genies shakes his head and says that’s impossible as well. Just think of all the concrete, steel, electrical cables, bitumen, lights, road signs and pylons. No sorry, that is impossible as well, make another wish.

Again the man thinks long and hard and eventually makes a wish ..... 
I want to be able to understand women. The Genie thinks long and hard and replies with.........

Did you want 2 or 4 lanes on your bridge? 

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